yawn yawn. i am so tired.
out the entire day. wenta open house. den hang ard with my frens at jp......
duno, sumhow ntu really appeals to me its juz sorta got this feeling that is telling me,
i should juz enter that sch. but accountancy? business? i seriously duno wat suits me more or prob
these two dun even suit me at all. seriously i am sorta am at a lost.
i dun wanna choose sumthing that will make me dread these several yrs of studies esp when now
i am given a chance to choose sumthing that interest me.
its sorta like u have no excuses to sae that oh i am so cant be bothered with the subj coz i detest it coz if u really do, y choose it rite?
does it really mean that as ya grow old, u cannot make excuses for urself anymore?
u cannot sae that oh i sorta regret this decision coz u made it and u will hafta live with it?
prob i am still not ready for that at all.....
as usual, they were suan-ing me abt yz etc.
seriously i tink i have come to a pt when i have start to really feel bu-shuangness and sian-diaoness abt this whole entire thing.
zr sae i alwaz get suan coz i seem to be enjoying it.
i seriously duno how the HELL i gave them that idea but if its coz i dun even bother to deny abt those stuff and instead play along den prob its juz plainly my fault.
but seriously, things have gone to such extent that i dun feel like even havin anything to do with those who i sorta have "scandals" abt.
juz like how i din even utter a single word to yz at all. it makes me feel like keepin a distance and a huge one.
i mean y i dun even deny stuff, i dun mean i accept it. i juz dun see the need to.
but u go to the extent that u sae until things seemed so true, i realli cannot stand it.
juz like how i am dreadin the botanic garden outing.
seriously, i dun wanan hafta spend the entire day alone with hc juz coz everyone thinks that we are supposed to be together. i dun wanan hafta live a life that is dictated by ppl.
y sld i even do as ppl tell me to? "y neva tok to hc? go talk to him la" seriously, y sld i do as i am told? juz coz thats the endin that u ppl wished it to be? oh pls, if i had wanted to talk to him, i wld have and if i dun get suan like every min of my life prob the two of us cld have even been frens who are a bit closer.
its a v sianz diaoz thing to do as u are told. and silly me neva really even rebuke. y? coz i dun wanan even upset anyone. and wat happen? i upset myself.
i tink it will all boils down to one day when i will juz give a black face to everyone who suans me abt things that are not going to happen. yes, that may not be the Jiahui that they noe, but seriously, there is indeed this side of me which usually goes hidden but when things start to even reach a certain extent, this side of me will start to show. things will turn out ugly but do i care? y sld i even bother abt wat others tink of me? HECK. y bother explainin those scandals when no one will even bother to understand wat reasons u have to even certify that it can neva be true.
i am v sick of me being linked to so many ppl and yet at the same time i noe this are all illusions and that at the end of the day i am still the same old me, alone.
i duno y am i even writing these down. i juz suddenly feel so sian diaoz abt my life and how i alwaz do things ppl ask me to do. if xiao yanjie ask me to talk to hc, i will do it. even though i seriously have nothing to talk to at all, wat the hell is happenin to me? when have i becomed so no mind of my own. i am v sianz abt tml, i duno how am i gonna deal with the entire situation man. i am juz AH.
sumtimes i feel v sick of myself. i mean, if i am bu shuang abt those suaning i sld juz give a black face rite? den y still joke along? when have i even start to become so hypocritical and den at the end of the day start to even write these craps down when i could have done it at the v first pt. BAH as if its gonna help much at all that i am blabbering rubbish here. when tml comes, i will still be that usual Jiahui, prob all it takes will be a nite's sleep to make myself forget abt all this bu-shuangness and to get back to the same old me.
Queen Tona @ 10:51 PM
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Sunday, March 07, 2004
....... tink i am serious growing fat fat and more fat!!!!
look at the amt of food that i ate for the past week.....omg.....i have commited such a terrible sin.....
tues: fiestamania plus kfc.
thurs: cafe cartel
fri: swensen
sat: long johns
sun: sakae sushi.....
i feel so totally omg......... =( i muz muz muz go on a diet startin from tml man.
if this goes on, i cant even get out of my house le....... the door will be too small for me.
AHHHHH!!!!!not forgettin the fact that i am paying money to get myself fat.
omg. AHHHHH no more food for me man. i have eaten enuff to last me for a month.
Queen Tona @ 9:14 PM
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hmmmm apparently i have yet again miss bloggin for ard one week.....
the last week was totally eventful plus tiring man.
whahah tink i sorta spent almost everyday out havoc-ing till night....until the extent that today me juz wanan stay in bed and spend time with me, myself and I.
and of coz the highlite was the release of A levels.
i din get those typical results that ppl in njc will get la. only AABB and B3 but well i am more then thankful.
coz given the amt of effort that i put in to even mug, whahha i tink i sld be glad that i can pass.
hmmmmm let;s juz sae that i have again manage to scrap thru sum major exams with sum luck.
and of coz muz congraz my frens who have done so well!!!!! [ esp the 4As ppl hehez u guys deserve it!]
actually the moment i saw the results, it all felt so unreal, it all felt like i was still in a dream. its juz this weird feeling la, like i was tinkin to myself, is this for real? am i really holdin the results slip man! aniwaz, wenta havoc after that [thanks to yz and zr la whahah for treatin us!!! =) ] ate at swensen and watch butterfly effect.
actually i din find the movie nice in the beginnin esp with so many "question marks" going thru my head whahah i cant really get wat the movie means at first but towards the end thought it was a damn good ending man. and i thot it was indeed a quite nice show. seriously how many times have u wished u can go back in time to change sum things so that u can live a life without regrets with everything going juz as u wished it will be. bah, prob that show juz goes to show that the harder u try to change sum stuff the more complicated things get.
zr asked me abt sumthing like i prob will want to go back to that certain period in my life, seriously for a moment i was tinkin huh? which period? i mean, i took sum time to realise what he meant. prob i have really learnt to let go of sum stuff, i have finally learnt that nothing can change the fact that i shudden have done this or rather wat other stuff i sld have done. i have finally start to not let my mind be affected by stupid stuff, yes prob i took a rather long time but seriously i can literally feel myself recovering bit by bit.
so will i eva wanan go back in time? i guess seriously not.
aniwaz, yest went out with xr and sr. and amazingly me, the one who whines upon walkin for short distances broke my own record by shopping all the wae from orchard to city hall. heex. i am so damn proud of myself man! *pat pat* esp when we were all wearin heels summore! lallaaa~~~~
as for today..... shall juz slack and slack and SLACK.
oh, and duno wat the hell happen to my rite arm, i cant make it straight coz it hurts like crazy. i hope i din accidently sprain it or sumthing...... at least for now, my arm is hurting as i type...... boo hooo hoo
Queen Tona @ 10:51 AM
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