Name: Jiahui
Age: 22
School: auditor in training ntu acc njc st nicks peiying pri
Often known as: Queen

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The Queen Speaks

A place to ramble
A place to complain
A place for laughter
A place for tears
A place where the true me appears

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Monday, August 31, 2009

if you believe in love at first sight, you never stop looking.

Queen Tona @ 11:04 PM 0 comments

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Tuesday, August 25, 2009

the pains of growing up
the woes of working
the open-ended questions in life

sigh.
i wish i had the slightest idea where exactly is my career path heading to.
like i tried to picture 6mths down the road,
and its nothing but uncertainties.
not knowing wats in front and being unable to plan ahead.
this feeling kinda sux.
like there are so many things just pending coz i dun even noe wat to expect.

and work's pissing me off. as usual.
even if i do go to work happily at the start of the day,
they never fail to piss me off by the end of the day when i just wish to leave the place and leave them to drown in the shit.
sometimes i tink humans are not that hard to understand.
i can help, if u are worth my help.
u cant expect me to offer help, when there isnt the slightest acknowledgement
and i gain nth, but make myself more angry at the end of it all.

happiness can be very simple
and yet, most often than not,
the simplest things are the hardest to achieve,
coz we ourselves make the simple things complicated.

Queen Tona @ 12:36 AM 1 comments

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Wednesday, August 19, 2009

我想，每个人都会带着面具。有时要装不在乎，有时要装可怜，有时要装开心，有时要装生气。带着面具，没有对或错。有时就是需要，才能和其他人相处。因为不是每个人都能完完全全地接受彼此的一切。忍耐与包容之间，也应该会参杂着谎言。或许，是美丽的谎言。

当我忍不住撕下面具时，突然有一种无地自容的感觉。眼泪不自主地流下来。

feeling v detached from work.
just lost and not sure what exactly i want.
he ask me wat i dun like abt the job.
i just told him i dun like the way things are run.
and he say i sld go do smth abt it and change it to smth i like.
but do i even have the power and the time to do such things?

i know they are all trying to make us stay.
just so there are ppl to clear the shit for them.
and it reflects good on them as well, coz they managed to get ppl to stay.
so i am not the least persuaded.

i am not wanting to leave on an impulse.
if its so, i wld have done in several times ago,
when those shitty seniors irritate the hell out of me.
but its just the more i stay,
the more i realise its not turning the way i want it to be.
so, seriously, like wat i said,
its no point staying anymore and making myself even more miserable.

its true i may not know whats out there in the commercial world if i leave,
but i rather venture out into the unknown,
den stay behind doing smth i will not be happy with.

Queen Tona @ 10:39 PM 5 comments

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Saturday, August 15, 2009

actively job searching.......
i really need to leave asap.
especially with the alarming no of ppl who are quitting,
and those who stay will have to clear the countless pile of shit.

sounds like a selfish act.
but do others think before they leave?
they dun as well.
thats life. u only live once.
be kind to urself first before u be kind to others.
coz others dun even give a damn abt u in the first place.
so in any case,
u can only depend on urself to do justice for yourself.

so as long as i get smth acceptable,
i will leave this place.
coz i dun want to even lose myself in this nonsense rat race.

*prays hard*

Queen Tona @ 12:26 AM 1 comments

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Sunday, August 09, 2009

i wish i knew.
the answers to the future.
the formulas to getting wat u want.

when u realise u haven accomplish any great things at this stage of life,
u cant help but worry,
if u can afford to fail the expectations of all,
and disappoint the ones dearest to you.

wat went wrong?
or wat did i not do?
i wish i knew the answers.
if there ever were any to begin with.

Queen Tona @ 11:44 PM 0 comments

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Tuesday, August 04, 2009

i realise its so easy for ppl to make u feel like shit.
and further remind me of the zillion reasons why i dun want to be here.
and because of that, i just submitted four resumes.
doesnt matter where i go, just out of here.
coz it sucks that there wasnt even any single bit of appreciation.
not even the bare minimal.
now i truly understand, i need to feel and be more human.

Queen Tona @ 1:15 AM 1 comments

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Monday, August 03, 2009

人生最遗憾的,莫过于,轻易地放弃了不该放弃的,固执地,坚持了不该坚持的。

Queen Tona @ 12:00 AM 0 comments

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Sunday, August 02, 2009

sleepless night.
tml will be a better day i guess.
when things are not within ur control,
there really isnt much u can do abt it.

maybe sometimes, the more u want to try to control things,
they just tend to slip away.

sigh.
if only things can be more simple.

Queen Tona @ 1:22 AM 0 comments

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Saturday, August 01, 2009

i think i truly admire those people who are motivated and know clearly what they want in life. its like they do things for a meaning, a reason.
and because of that, they can have the motivation to keep them going.
its so inspiring to hear them talk, coz they talk with such great passion.
you know, they know what they are saying.
and den u think back onto your life, and u ask, if u truly know what u want.

i really think the reason why we feel so lousy at work is becoz,
we dun even know what we want out of it.
i am just working for the sake of working.
be it to complete my job, to be an average ME employee, or simply to just endure and push through year by year.

i mean, if i know i want to stay on coz i want to climb up that corporate ladder,
den yes, there is a meaning to doing all this shity work.
coz its here that we gain all the experiences we need.
but if thats not wat we want in our career at the end of the day,
den why are we subjecting ourselves to such torture?

i am apprehensive of the unknown future.
like i tried to picture life for the remaining 8 of us half a year later.
and i sincerely hope the best for everyone of us.
yes, i admit its sad everytime someone leaves,
but its even sadder for those who are left behind.

i want to leave.
and yet, i am afraid to leave.

lost.

Queen Tona @ 12:35 AM 0 comments

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