______*'Cherish`*

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About

Name: Jiahui
Age: 22
School: auditor in training ~~ntu acc~~ ~~njc~~ ~~st nicks~~ ~~peiying pri~~
Often known as: Queen

Adores

Family
Friends
Tony and Joe and Wu Zun
YouTube
Food
Babies
Holiday-ing

The Queen Speaks

A place to ramble
A place to complain
A place for laughter
A place for tears
A place where the true me appears

History

06/01/2003 - 07/01/2003
07/01/2003 - 08/01/2003
08/01/2003 - 09/01/2003
09/01/2003 - 10/01/2003
10/01/2003 - 11/01/2003
11/01/2003 - 12/01/2003
12/01/2003 - 01/01/2004
01/01/2004 - 02/01/2004
02/01/2004 - 03/01/2004
03/01/2004 - 04/01/2004
04/01/2004 - 05/01/2004
05/01/2004 - 06/01/2004
06/01/2004 - 07/01/2004
07/01/2004 - 08/01/2004
08/01/2004 - 09/01/2004
09/01/2004 - 10/01/2004
10/01/2004 - 11/01/2004
11/01/2004 - 12/01/2004
12/01/2004 - 01/01/2005
01/01/2005 - 02/01/2005
02/01/2005 - 03/01/2005
03/01/2005 - 04/01/2005
04/01/2005 - 05/01/2005
05/01/2005 - 06/01/2005
06/01/2005 - 07/01/2005
07/01/2005 - 08/01/2005
08/01/2005 - 09/01/2005
09/01/2005 - 10/01/2005
10/01/2005 - 11/01/2005
11/01/2005 - 12/01/2005
12/01/2005 - 01/01/2006
01/01/2006 - 02/01/2006
02/01/2006 - 03/01/2006
03/01/2006 - 04/01/2006
04/01/2006 - 05/01/2006
05/01/2006 - 06/01/2006
06/01/2006 - 07/01/2006
07/01/2006 - 08/01/2006
08/01/2006 - 09/01/2006
09/01/2006 - 10/01/2006
10/01/2006 - 11/01/2006
11/01/2006 - 12/01/2006
12/01/2006 - 01/01/2007
01/01/2007 - 02/01/2007
02/01/2007 - 03/01/2007
03/01/2007 - 04/01/2007
04/01/2007 - 05/01/2007
05/01/2007 - 06/01/2007
06/01/2007 - 07/01/2007
07/01/2007 - 08/01/2007
08/01/2007 - 09/01/2007
09/01/2007 - 10/01/2007
10/01/2007 - 11/01/2007
11/01/2007 - 12/01/2007
12/01/2007 - 01/01/2008
01/01/2008 - 02/01/2008
02/01/2008 - 03/01/2008
03/01/2008 - 04/01/2008
04/01/2008 - 05/01/2008
05/01/2008 - 06/01/2008
06/01/2008 - 07/01/2008
07/01/2008 - 08/01/2008
08/01/2008 - 09/01/2008
09/01/2008 - 10/01/2008
10/01/2008 - 11/01/2008
11/01/2008 - 12/01/2008
12/01/2008 - 01/01/2009
01/01/2009 - 02/01/2009
02/01/2009 - 03/01/2009
03/01/2009 - 04/01/2009
04/01/2009 - 05/01/2009
05/01/2009 - 06/01/2009
06/01/2009 - 07/01/2009
07/01/2009 - 08/01/2009
08/01/2009 - 09/01/2009
09/01/2009 - 10/01/2009
10/01/2009 - 11/01/2009
11/01/2009 - 12/01/2009
12/01/2009 - 01/01/2010
01/01/2010 - 02/01/2010
02/01/2010 - 03/01/2010
09/01/2010 - 10/01/2010
10/01/2010 - 11/01/2010
11/01/2010 - 12/01/2010
12/01/2010 - 01/01/2011
01/01/2011 - 02/01/2011
10/01/2011 - 11/01/2011
11/01/2011 - 12/01/2011
01/01/2012 - 02/01/2012
02/01/2012 - 03/01/2012
03/01/2012 - 04/01/2012
06/01/2012 - 07/01/2012
07/01/2012 - 08/01/2012
08/01/2012 - 09/01/2012
09/01/2012 - 10/01/2012

Credits

Thursday, April 29, 2004

cant believe it. i braved the major huge and terrible storm this evening juz for curry fish head at sembawang...... =\ tats the extent me and my relatives can go for food la huh.
i tell u, it was a totally wet experience....... i juz feel so wet and smell of rain..... got umbrella like dun have lidat lor. urgh. but nonetheless, it was a worhwhile trip, i mean food aside la, the dinner was indeed yet another "eye-opener" for me.......

if ya ppl fail to remember, me had a cousin who only got married for less den one yr and got separated...
so juz now he brought his new gf along and seriously for a moment i can literally feel my eyeballs popping out..... isit it a bit too fast an interval for a change of partner..... esp when u juz got divorced? *faint* and apparently he still like told his mum that this new gal is betta den the other one. i mean WTF, u tink get married for fun meh....... urgh, nvm its his life not mine.
nvm. and another of my cousin has apparently got divorced recently also...... i mean, isit juz in my family or do i seriously see a major change in the perception of marriage here. its totally saddening to see that they are juz so heck care abt the thingy and juz divorce in the spur of the moment lidat.

if marriage means the start of a divorce den i tink forget it, prob i sld juz spend my entire life alone.
i cant be confident that i will be able to find THE ONE for me and seriously,
i dun wanna be the talk of the day during family dinner the nex time coz something simliar happens to me.
and most imptly i have start to change my view of marriage, its not abt being together for each other, its abt trying to keep each other together.

Queen Tona @ 10:23 PM 0 comments

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Wednesday, April 28, 2004

this shall be a story abt 3 clowns, A, B and C.

yes why clowns right? is the story supposed to be farni? not really, but in a sense yes.
its farni in the sense tat when u finally sit down and take a look at the entire picture, u find it hilarious.
enjoy.

Clown A, B and C are good friends. It probably all started due to a stupid remark from B. a totally no reason and casual remark or rather response. wateva the case, somehow along the way,it seems as if A has started to take a liking for B. NO, B is not stupid or numb or blockhead, B perfectly noes the situation but B chooses to ignore, choose to hide, choose to disbelieve in wat B sees/hears/receives. B avoids A whenever possible because B refuses to say things out in the open. B feels tats prob the best way to solve things.

Clown C being the helpful clown alwayz likes to arrange for A and B to get together. resulting in displeasure of B. prob somehow along the way when B starts to spend more time with C unintentionally, B starts to feel too comfortable to the extent that B mixes up certain stuff. and yet again, B makes another stupid remark or rather msg or watsoeva. it was a grave mistake that prob B will regret the entire life. however, thru-out the entire ordeal, B have come to realise that C is nothing B wants as a lover. C can only remain the same comfortable companion that C used to be if eva possible.

B has recently start to change B's reaction towards A, becoz along the way, B can finally get a clear picture of wats its like to be ignored and finally understand wat A feels. but no, B has not changed B's view of their relationship. A is still a fren and can only remain as one... as for C..... B is juz feelin wu2 nai4 abt the fact that a stupid mistake can and possibly have cause certain degree of change to their frenship.... no B is not feeling terrible becoz C has broken B's heart, B is juz upset becoz B has to live with wat B's stupid remarks have caused. it was indeed a rash remark but wats done cannot be undone. if anything, B is clear and definite that C is neva wat B wanted and its thru this entire thing that B saw a diff side of C....
B is juz hoping that the three clowns can juz be like things were a long time before.

isit a blessing in disguise? because A gets to hold on to yet some hope? because B gets to understand B's feelings even more? because C gets to unknowingly fufil C's wish of getting A and B to get along more?

or does it means more trouble ahead? because A will grow to realise that B neva meant anything more and if anything the greater the hopes, the bigger the disappointment....because B will start to feel trapped abt the fact that B has unknowingly been too kind....

wateva the case, the 3 clowns will alwayz be clowns. out in the public, they put on their make-up, they bring in their props and they "perform".... each one of them thinkin their own thoughts.....

Queen Tona @ 8:41 PM 0 comments

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Monday, April 26, 2004

yawn. been a sleepy monday.... prob havoc too much yest.
whaha anyway, whoeva passed by suntec yest will be able to see my love declaration over the laser thingy at the fountain. kewl right? =P
had a long day havocin yest..... v fun~
not forgettin to mention we saw cyndi: the act cute gal.....
aiyarz she really dionk lor, total cannot make it, OMG, are the guys blind or are they really blind?

aniwaz, its officialy four days before i get outa cpf....
*boy* am already startin to feel a bit sad.....

Queen Tona @ 10:11 PM 0 comments

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Sunday, April 25, 2004

if keepin silent will help ease the awkwardness, wat else can i do.
if keepin silent can avoid anymore mistakes, wat else can i do.
if keeping silent can make almost everyone happy, wat else can i do.
if keepin silent is all i can do, wat else can i do.

if there is anything else that i can do now ppl, tell me pls....
because i can give anything to change how things are now.
because although this silence treatment seems to be the best thing to do now,
i noe deep inside me, i am hurting inside, in fact i feel terrible.

Queen Tona @ 10:44 PM 0 comments

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Friday, April 23, 2004

had i been too nice? unknowingly?
had i been sending out some wrong signals?

prob i have juz learn to put myself into someone;s else shoes
prob i have start to realise wats its like to be in that situation
thats y i have changed my approach to u.
no, my view towards u and us haven changed,
yes i may seem a bit nicer, a bit more "enthu" and no longer ignoring stuff.....
but seriously, i noe somehow that nothihg has changed la.

i juz hope at the end of the day, everyone is happy, no one gets hurt. no one gets mis-led.

Queen Tona @ 10:00 PM 0 comments

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Wednesday, April 21, 2004

aniwaz, as promised...... my memories of my sec sch!!! =)
actually wat triggered it all was seeing ppl wearin the st nicks family t shirt and culottes.
really bring back many fond memories.

firstly everytime u mention st nicks, prob the most prominent person that comes to ppl's mind is our dearest principal or rather who we call " xiao4 zhang3" she has a v motherly look and the first time i step into the sch and see her i really felt so safe. she is actually v cute one.... will remember how we have lessons until halfway and den she suddenly on the announcement thingy and "excuse me, teachers. now all gals pls take out ur water bottle. its yum sheng time! those who din bring pls come to the office to see me now" and den she starts yum shengin over the PA system. =) cute. and appararently those who had to go to her office had to write an essay on the advantages of drinking water. she is also a v naggy person, esp monday assemblys, although it was only one hr she can drag all the way until 9 plus ten and she will still have tons to say. still remember once it was afternoon assembly and was last day b4 hols and she went on all the way till 3, keep askin us to be careful during hols etc etc. *nice* and of coz, she likes to give ppl hugs, zillions of them and its those kinda huge bear hug not those kinda act act only one. and of coz, she alwaz calls us bao3 bei4 becoz she sae she treats us like her own daughters coz she dun have any..... will remember how we all felt so sad when it was her time to retire.... when she alwaz calls us bao bei and we will oei back.... *sweet* she is juz a v real lady and every yr she will def perform for the kids during children;s day concert and its alwaz damn cute performances......

of coz, i cannot forget abt the lessons we have. will remember how i neva fail to sleep during mr du;s lessons.. esp wen2 shi3 lessons. omg damn power one. will remember how i spend more den have of my lit lessons outside the class and cursing ms jeya all the time. will remember how me and xr sit at the back during physics to read love stories [whahha damn popular at that time] will remember the mummie craze that we had and our dear xr even started selling them in class. will remember how mrs seah sae that she is the princess and we are her slaves, whahha and will remember how i was so bored i sorta roar to disturb xr and she ROARED back a zillion times louder and almost everyone heard. =) of coz will remember cindy ng's attitude prob whahah and we attituding back.

will miss the balcony that we have whereby its damn windy and cozy and nice. will remmeber having to cramp everything and move them back home from the lockers when its the last day of the term. and of coz the canteen!!! omg, guess xr will alwaz remember fried food day whahha. den me her sr and hx will head down to get zillions of wantons and chicken wings, yummy yum. and i miss the fishball noodles.... with tons of chilli..... plus ji1 pa2 mian4!!!

and of coz given stnicks there are tons of exciting events. remember the first synergise where the entire sch had one week to prepare and the cls room that turn into a war zone. and of coz the most tiring and happening one was the openin of the track etc...... remember standin under the sorchin sun and running to form formations...... with everyone so pissed and us playin stupid games while squattin on the field... we practice so long to the extend that the field startin balding and we can see lines of bare land and they had to grow back some grass a few days before. but now when i look back at the vcd.... it all look so nice and unbelievable that it was us that did it.... and the first time i eva had sports day at night... thought it was a damn kewl experience! hmmm... and of coz the thing i miss quite a lot is doing the eva familiar family dance and the morning exercise and line dances...... yes it may seem stupid to do those during assemblys whhaha but xiao zhang loves it and now to think of it, i miss them too...... =\

there are still dozens of things i will miss abt st nicks.... coz its really quite a happening sch filled with nice ppl. esp xiao4 zhang3 and the frens i made! tats for now peeps...... v tired time to sleep

Queen Tona @ 10:19 PM 0 comments

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Tuesday, April 20, 2004

morning~
whahha y am i here?!?!?
today is leave day!!!!! =P
yippe ya. later going to havoc le!!! =) *grinz*

aniwaz, got my letter of acceptance from ntu.....
for tai tai course!! whahah thats wat gy sae i sld apply for. =X
aiyarz no la for accountancy la.
the tai tai course can wait, whhaha when my tony come and propose to me den i can go get a degree in the tai tai course! =) =P

aniwaz, shall post an entry of my beloved sec sch soon when i free coz realise i have so much to miss there whahah juz feel like writin it down. hmmm stay tuned!

Queen Tona @ 10:08 AM 0 comments

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Monday, April 19, 2004

yawn... yest "news of the century" did bring back some memories abt us....
if....... yes thats the question that everyone ask.....
if i had done this, if i had agreed, if i had turn up, if...... IF
yes, for me, if i had one yr back somehow allowed myself to sink in any deeper,
wat wld my life have been now..... HMMMMMmmmmmm.......

if i had even have allowed myself any chance to start afresh,
if i hadnt had felt that guilt at that time,
if i had allowed my heart rule my mind,
wat wld my life have been now?
*shrugs*

prob thats y i tell weber to juz follow her heart,
y allow urself to have regrets at the end of the day and wonder wat wld my life have been if all these had happened and all that had not happened?
for me, forget it la, its prob all too late to even tink of such things.
i had my chance, i lost it.
prob, its fated that we were meant to be this way.
and prob this entire episode has allowed me to see a little clearer,
abt certain stuff...
and like wat hw sae " u sld be able to see quite clearly whether he's the rite person for u"

for me, i can safely say close frens are neva really meant to become lovers in the first place. =)

Queen Tona @ 10:39 PM 0 comments

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Sunday, April 18, 2004

AHHHH! news of the century!!
i finally managed to get zeyan's no!!!
whahha, tink eva since i lost my hp i have been desperately wantin to find his no lor.....
den tink we are all busy etc so neva contact....
and i was still sighin abt the fact that i lost contact with another pal......
finally he msg me today!!!
ah!! pal, i miss ya!!! =) *hugz*

and ya today 5566 performed at NKF!!!! *muacks* *muacks* *muacks*

but well here;s something that totally pissed me off...
the fact that the idiot beckham admited to his stupid affair
i mean ok, its beta den lying but WTF, he shouldn;t even be doing it in the first place!
haiyarz, all men cannot be trusted man. totally pissed off.
if u cant settle down for one woman, den bloody hell dun get married.
dun tink all women are around to let u guys bully k!
hurmph and do they even care abt their kids at all??!!?!?!
my gawd, cant adults have more brains?
pissed.

Queen Tona @ 11:07 PM 0 comments

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In your eyes lies a dark cloud.
Where's the sparkle I want to see?
In your voice I hear sadness and anger.
Where's the laughter that used to be?
Where's the energy that made me,
And brought sunshine into my day?
I see you, I hear you, too.
But yet why doesn't it feel like you?
Where did you go, without saying good-bye?
When will you come back to me?
Please say soon because I really miss,
The way things used to be.
Having you in my life is a special gift.
And it will always continue to be.....

right. its back from hibernation.
i haven really managed to settle things, or rather i dun really wish to.
i have lost interest in gettin things right, i have lose confidence in my judgements.
so for now, i will juz heck abt anything and everything,
because when i alwayz start to care a little more, no one bothers.
be selfish for once, becoz of others can, y cant i.

Queen Tona @ 4:30 PM 0 comments

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Tuesday, April 13, 2004

its hibernation time.
farewell.

Queen Tona @ 10:22 PM 0 comments

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Monday, April 12, 2004

lets juz sae today has been a totally terrible day.

my anger has dragged over from yesterday.
so who has made me angry again?
no one. only me, myself and I.
forget it, shant dwell anymore on such issues.

wat does it feel like to be ignored?
wat does it feel like to discover that u are being ignored?
is it supposed to feel painful? am i supposed to feel anger?
do i even have to right to feel anything at all?

this is a blog. i guess i shant even refrain from typing my thoughts bah....

so how did i feel? seriously i cant describe how i felt.
i locked myself in my room, i blasted the music, i thought of many many stuff.
i ask myself y has my life become so pathetic? to the extent that i am losing confidence in the way i deal with ppl and myself. i ask myself if i sld even make any more effort to change any more things?
but if i dun, can i live with how things are now? i hate how things are now, i hate it.

y? y do i seem like a fool here? y do i seem like a complete failure in tis entire ordeal?
y isit that i feel that after this entire mess, i find myself inflictin all those shit onto myself?
if u ask me wat i want to do now? i duno. do i even have the right to request wat i want?

prob i was wrong abt this entire thing, i was wrong abt this entire situation, i was wrong abt him.
prob to anyone out there, i am juz someone he/she can easily do without.

y do i feel so miserable... y is my life in a utter mess..... y isit that i neva fail to sound so pathetic?
y.... y isit that when i feel i have given my best..... no one bothers...... i dun need much..... i juz dun need to be ignored.....

Queen Tona @ 10:30 PM 0 comments

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Saturday, April 10, 2004

yawnz. its been yet another tiring day......
the gals came over and havoc plus bake cookies.....
feel quite hyper the entire day until they left.......
den wah, really feel v drained and tired......
i juz slumped into the sofa and felt my energy drainin away.......

aniwaz, they havoc a while in my room....... apparently the huge card caught their attention...
they opened it. i din stop them. although it hasnt been touched for a long time.
i din feel much. becoz even when i look at those words, i know it wun be meant for me now at this present moment. i realise tat words will merely be words. y water a plant when its dead?

guess this entire week has been a real tiring one for me.....
both mentally and physically....
i havent been exactly sleepin well and eatin well and restin well...... so wellz.
tiring.

i guess sometimes somethings are neva meant to be measured in ways as in... whether it was worth ur sacrificing/worrying/crying over, becoz when it comes to a time when u start to want the other party to give u something in return in proportional to wat u have done for him/her, it will not be love anymore.

i ask myself y even bother to care. i ask myself y am i still stickin ard. i ask myself juz like how many of my frens ask, y even bother to waste my efforts. i realise the ans. becoz rite from the start, i neva wanted anything in return.

Queen Tona @ 10:34 PM 0 comments

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Friday, April 09, 2004

yawn its been a long day.

early morning wenta havoc at k-ster seriously tink its like half the price of k-box lor.
but well there is no real meal la and the tv a bit smaller but hey, good enuff le.
aniwaz, its a real fun experience coz we juz scream and sang like no one's business and we were juz hopping around singing all those kinda havoc songs. tink everyone cld hear us. tink tats the diff btw an all gals ktv and a mixed ktv bah. whahha seriously, the 3 of us juz literally went mad.
and its a great way to shout and scream and get my troubles away bah. =)

headed for town den. the entire world seems there. saw quite a lota ppl.
den ok firstly and first exciting thing was man-hunting at lido. we were juz restin and watchin the crowd go by and yes, sad to sae..... there really isnt much good lookin guys around. =juz one guy!!! let's call him the NIKE guy. omg...... damn nice build plus eyes etc.
den nex interestin guy was this person who sorta posed there and dun move that kind.
so we were standin looking den he sorta turned in a robotic way and wanted to shake hands with us. so we walk away and stood further and watch. whahha den he wanted to shake hand with this other gal, den the gal aso hesitant, den in the end that guy juz jumped down, shake her hand and went back up again.
den later xr even bestest. she wenta put money in that guys trousers whahahha =X [ dun be jealous zp ]
aniwaz, den headed for far east where i saw the NIKE guy again!!!! man, are we fated or wat!!!!! =) *grinz* aiyo....... if i had saw him for the third time i wld have asked for his number!!!!!!! AHH =\

aniwaz, the gals are going to come havoc at my hse tml. plus me declared leave for myself tml whahah =P
i dun give a damn. hmmmmm seriously, all of a sudden i feel that my life is indeed a beautiful one. i guess its prob juz a matter of perspective. if i want to make it beautiful i can! =) aniwaz, tink ktv did helped me de-stressed and cheered me up alot. whaha so nex time i am in a foul mood i know where to head to!!!!

heex. guess i will def have sweet dreams tonight!

Queen Tona @ 10:19 PM 0 comments

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juz finish surfing the net.....

i got a sudden urge to msg someone..... to give him a pat on the shoulder..... to ask him to cheer up.....
but heck, nothing of that is going to help......
wat replies/no replies am i going to get? mean, fierce ones.
seriously, fine den. y sld i even bother to feel sad for u den, y sld i even bother to care....
when now, prob the last thing u want to see/hear is from me.

i tell myself to not give a damn abt the entire thing. abt wats going on in ur life.
beocz, i dun want to become another reason of ur troubledness etc.
as for me? i made the decisions, i bear the consequences.
so ya, if time is wat u want.
i wun initiate any msg/calls/watsoeva.

i dun wanan go on abt how i am feeling abt this entire thing.
becoz i dun want it to affect anyone.
i've been thru miserable times myself,
i tink i can survive this one too.

as for now, take care my fren..... take care.....

Queen Tona @ 8:41 AM 0 comments

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Thursday, April 08, 2004

yippee ppl its a long weekend ahead......
aniwaz, today my blog got one rare visitor~~ hw!!!
whahah that gal arh, rare that she eva touches the internet la coz of her dying com.
so welcome welcomE!!!!!!!
k tink i am crapping here, not in the mood for a serious entry~~~~
ktv tml!!!!!! AHHHH!!!!!! *screamS*

oh and i muz mention i dreamt that i had a fone that can be folded into a bear shape whahhaha.
k lame.
aniwaz, it was exciting coz everyone was so envious of me den!!!!!!!
k k laterz~

Queen Tona @ 6:09 PM 0 comments

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Tuesday, April 06, 2004

damn. tink my ankle is playin trick on me again.
its been hurting eva since i sorta landed on a weird position........ thanks to the slippery floor
pls dun tell me i sprain it again......
AHHHHH. my dear ankle guard pls save me.......
whahaha although its a abit weird to wear a guard after it start hurting rite?

Queen Tona @ 10:19 PM 0 comments

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yawnz. yet another day at work~
hehez come ppl here;s something for ya all to rejoice for me~~~~
the stupid C is on leave today~~~~~~ MuHahhAhaHA
i seriously hope she get fired la for all i care. hurmph.
i am xiao qi but DO I CARE? whahhaa

aniwaz, mood being beautiful today~
tink for the past few days have enuff of irritated mood tink i was pms-ing.
so sorry to all my frens who sorta got snapped by me...... sorry sorry!!!! =)
aiyarz but well i noe ya all dun mind mah, since u all got such a wonderful fren like me MuhAhAHHha.

prob certain things in life shudden even be sorted out and tidied.
juz leave it there and carry on with life.
y muz everything be said out all clear in the open rite?
as long as at the end of the day, no one is upset and u are happy, wats wrong wif this kinda mindset.

as for me now..... whahaha juz carry on being crazy me lor. =)
let time show me wat the ending of this entire episode will be.
y sld i bother crackin my brains over it?
y sld i carry all these stress and all?

lala~ do wat i feel like doing and dun let anyone have a chance to upset me~
that shall be my current life-style bah, at least till the nex time i decide another lifestyle for myself.

oh and i seriously felt a sense of loss....... when yest was my last episode of my dearest tony.....
omg...... i swore i felt my heart aching whahhaha. but well for now, prob its back to f4 craze le coz the show coming up on channel 8 and omg dao ming si is another guy i seriously cant resist. *droolz*

laterz~

Queen Tona @ 5:59 PM 0 comments

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Sunday, April 04, 2004

spend the entire day at home.
call me a loner but well seriously the last thing i want is to go join the crowd and havoc outside.
i juz want to spend some time, alone, peacefully.

cleared up my room, re-arranged some stuff, threw sum stuff away, etc.
was i trying to juz keep my mind busy? i duno, but i guess its become a habit for me to want to start to clear up and do some chores whenever i find myself not being able to sort things out.
if only thoughts can be as easily sorted and arranged, if only feelings can be thrown/kept juz like my stuff.

if i were to say i have totally recovered from yest's moodiness etc, den i would be telling a big lie.
haiyar, my dear jiahui, if there is one thing i can sae to u, its " why are u forever causing more and more trouble and neva being able to even solve a single one........"

if i were to say i wasnt eager for any sorta acknowlegement/reply from him, i wld be lying too.
i dun wanna lie, to anyone anymore.
so yes, i am not feeling exactly wonderful, yes i was indeed hoping for some reply, and yes i admit i did cried last nite...... not fully because of him( but its juz part of a zillion reasons), prob juz cause i feel i have so much to handle and yet at the same time, i feel myself causing every single one of my frens to walk further and further away,

i feel that admist the darkness, i was all alone.

Queen Tona @ 10:53 PM 0 comments

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Saturday, April 03, 2004

*sigh* the fact that i am here prob doesn't mean that its a good thing bah.

juz came back from the steamy hot and smelly steamboat dinner....
of coz with my jc gang la coz we are supposed to celebrate webber;s bday.
one thing abt steamboat is that we neva really eat, we juz merely used it as a mean to talk, play and probably cook a few stuff to eat bah. at the end of the day, its not the quality of the food that really mattered, its the time you spent and how much u enjoy each other;s company that mattered i guess.
all in all, it was indeed fun to meet up with the ppl~
only bad thing is that, it totally stinks of oil and more oil and i juz tink i smell so bad even after washing my hair twice. =/

now for something that prob juz concern someone and me......
somehow, something has been bugging me these few days. i duno how i sorta brought such stupid useless worries upon myself but being the me that i am usually are, i sorta did something really uncalled for. and if given a chance, i would neva have done such a rash thing without even thinkin through it. i am serious abt that. y isit that i am forever saying the wrong things at the wrong time..... *sigh* somehow, its either i am being overly-sensitive here or i feel that the atmosphere btw us is juz sorta gettin a bit awkward. seriously if i were to put myself in ur shoes, i will be reactin this way too i guess.... i am really v afraid.... v afraid that i have done something that has caused me a great price.. to the extent that i will start to lose a fren whom i find v comfortable even relating my problems to.. i perfectly understand ur stand abt this entire thingy and for me, i guess i need time to really sort out my thoughts, and even if at the end of the day, i realised that i have really start to like you, seriously its ok and perfectly fine for me if u sae u juz want to let things remain like it is now. i have enuff of such guessing games, i can tell u straight wat i feel and u tell me wat u feel and thats it. if we werent meant to be together, den y cant we juz stay as close frens right... den y isit that i feel that there is juz this mysterious air among us, isit juz me or do i feel u tryin to keep a distance... i duno..... i really duno wat u really really think of this entire thing.... i should have just kept my mouth shut, i noe..... but wats done is done. my dear, i noe u are not in the mood to even discuss such things, to even think of such issues.... so can we juz treat as if nothing has happened at all.... can we juz go back to how things were? i am hurting inside not because we cannot be together but because i duno wat is going to happen of us..... and whether wat u said is wat u are thinking... i am hurtin because i am juz plain afraid that at the end of this entire ordeal, i will lose u as a close fren of mine. i cannot have history repeat itself, it will juz make me feel so pathetic. and as i am typing this, i am really wondering isit juz me being overly paranoid or wat........ i duno, i am afraid to tink of wat responses i will get/not get. i juz feel the need to voice out what i am feeling and thinking and if at the end of the day, its juz me thinkin too much, den ok. even if at the end of the day nothing works out, juz let me be the one who will be walking beside u and alwaz ready to lend u a listening ear..... juz like wat i wrote in the postcard. as for the rest..... i duno. i will accept wateva fate brings me.

Queen Tona @ 11:49 PM 0 comments

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Friday, April 02, 2004

lala~~~~~ i am not that angry le,
dun be scared ppl whahah i am actually v kind! =)
aiya crapz.
nitez
tml is yet another happy day~

Queen Tona @ 10:39 PM 0 comments

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WARNING: DAMN EXPLOSIVE ENTRY FILLED WITH ZILLIONS OF VULGARITIES

ok, lets juz start off with yest. wenta dinner with my bunch of frens at pizza hut.
dinner started quite late coz we were late so we ate den talk quite a while coz neva see for quite long den i juz sorta reach home around eleven. i only juz stepped into the house plus close the door den my mother had to give me the total black face and saein that wat i come home so bloody late and wat so bloody dangerous and wat i have been doing nothing but going out havoc-ing recently. den nvm, i din sae anything. went to my room. she started complaining abt everything abt me, sae my room damn messy
[only a little kae and if she dun like she can easily dun enter] sae i whole day only go out duno do wat [ wat the hell, wat u tink i doing? clubbin? at this early hour? ] den started saeing wat reach home so late, i mean HELLO? eleven called late huh? WTF la, i am old enuff and i can easily take care of myself and ok if u bu shuang fine can nag me but no need nag all the way from the time i step into the house rite? bloody pissed off, i have enuff to deal with without including her. i am 18, not 8 lor. ARGH. so i juz step into the house, took a shower and bang my door shut. i bloody dun care, i can easily come home and chat with u abt my day if not for the stupid unreasonable scolding that u gave. too bad den. so in the room overheard her telling dad wat where got eat dinner till so late huh? duno wat she doing outside. u better pay attention to her, y u neva ask her where she going etc etc etc. i mean F la, are u paranoid or wat? so early mornin today, dad sorta asked me abt last nite, i juz replied in a pissed off tone " dinner started late, we talk a bit more and it takes more den an hour to go to and fro dobby ghaut" at least he din sae much, tink he dun really care too much. seriously, sometimes i juz so sianz diaoz abt them being overly concerned. ARGH.

so today i am already in a quite pissed off mood le. i serve ppl with black face, like i seriously care. someone sae i look glum, another complain that i give black face and another sae that i look proud. F la, u tink i here to let u comment isit? u try servin ppl and saein the same old things daily la. ARGH. and the top of the thingy is juz now exactly at 5pm. i told my stupid X 100000000000 in charge [ C ] that i need to take leave tml and C told me straight in the face cannot. so i ask y, she sae she already approve leave for someone who takes leave like twice every week. i mean damn it la, i only temp staff k, if i dun come at most dun give me money la, u sld be glad dun come and give me this shit and sae wat oh tml v impt cannot have ppl takin leave and u bloody hell practice such obvious favourtisim by approving the other gal leave without no rhyme or reason. F la. its seriously not my bloody fault that the ppl of cpf are so stupid to tink of the sing-pass system which forces everyone to get a sing-pass and print statements at the computer. WAT THE HELL? have u ppl got no eyes to see that more den half of the ppl are old folks who haven seen a com in their entire life. fine u force them to use com, ok see wat happens? they take forever to press and cannot get it right and they get pissed, we get pissed and in the end, take queue no see the officers inside and cramp up the queue and extend waiting time. and HAI me cannot take leave. got brains or not arh this ppl, u plan stuff can tink of the general public? yes its fast but for old folks, u tink they can make it? ARGH. pisseed. if not for my money which has not yet been in, i would have juz gave C a piece of my mind and quit. but wat to do? for the bloody sake of money, i juz merely stomped off. WAT THE HELL!!!!!!!!! how come the world is neva fair?!?!?!?!?!?!? STUPID IDIOT can take leave so easily and i cant?!?!?!? and the stupid C still sae that i forever sat also not free. i mean HELLO? i got a life k? unlike YOU! and its not like i took leave every sat, i got MC k. the other time i gave her MC she was like still, u sure u are sick not? WAT THE F! u bloody hell dun believe me fine. no need to act kind and sae wat take care arh, cannot afford to fall sick. makes me wanna puke even more. ARGH. i feel like giving her two tight slaps in the face and telling her that i neva liked her from the start of day 1 and i dun give a damn abt it.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
i am pissed.
totally.
seriously.
excessively.

and if i go to work tml i tink i will also give black face and heck! DO I CARE? dun tink u big den can boss ppl around and decide who can take leave and who can't. u bu shuange me fine, i dun mind because i bu shuang u even more. PUKE. y are there such ppl on earth, juz addin to pollution and wastin resources and acting all high and mighty. forever slackin and not serving members, alwayz eating and laughing in the pantry den five den suddenly appear and close doors etc. WAH BIG DEAL. i can easily close ten doors too u noe? ARGH.

Queen Tona @ 5:49 PM 0 comments

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